Its been almost 2 years?

I'm officially a failure at blogging.

I just don't have much to write about.

I'm going to think about this some more and get back to you about this... hopefully it won't take me another 2 years.

I heart YouTube and pink shirt wearing dancing cowboys...

So after posting that last entry I realized the Gwen video synched up poorly so I went to try and find a better one... that wasn't the 8 minute long version...

I couldn't find it. BUT, I did find this, which I think is radtastic:




Which made me want to post this because I love gay cowboys... or gay boys in general... who just happen to dress up like cowboys and dance:



Amazing. The one in the pink shirt is my FAVE.

I'm waiting for my hash pipe?

I wrote about this is my last post, but I figured I'd put it up to save all you lazy folks out there some youtube searching time.

Example Numero Uno:


Example Numero Dos:


Listen for: First vocal riff you hear in each song.

Does anyone else hear this or is it just me? It drives me crazy!

We let them get away with murder and yet we still love them. "Sell out! with me tonight!"...

I'm convinced that there are certain musicians in the pop world that no matter what they do... we still follow.

Examples are Gwen and Avril.

Both sound NOTHING like they used to, yet here they are with really popular singles.


All I have to say about Avril, other than I love her song (I'm a sucker and I'll admit it), is:

1.) Yes, you are now officially a "mother fucking princess" after this song.
2.) You can't be anyone's girlfriend because you are mother fucking married.
3.) Why are you trying to sound like Ashlee Simpson?
4.) Why are you british in the bridge? We all thought Ashlee was trying to do that with whatever that last single was called, but she was just spelling LOVE... not saying "'ello, 'ello, 'ello".

Anyway, I've said my piece. If you are totally lost about what song I'm talking about, fear not, I have posted the new Avril video below. I'll also put the Ashlee Simpson one so you can compare. Which reminds me... go listen to Gwen's single "What Are You Waiting For" and Weezer's song "Hash Pipe". Listen to the first few notes of their beginning lyrical melody. Drives me crazy when I hear it.

Avril Lavigne-- "Girlfriend":



Ashlee Simpson-- "LOVE":


PS: Seeing people abuse their phones makes my insides die a little. The IDEA of doing that to my baby... ugh. Sicko.

Wow, it's been... months...

I really need to update this. The basic jist so far:

Southern California is starting to grow on me.

I'll get around to filling you in on more. Cross my heart.

Things really don't change much in 5 years I guess...

So it looks like I'll be leaving Boston in a foul mood. I left home that way five years ago to move out here. I guess some things never change.

However, there is a slight twist this time. When I left home I knew I'd see those friends again since we all had a parental homebase in Novato. This is not at all the case with my friends in Boston. I know I won't see 90% of them ever again.

I think the best part is that people say they care and I can just tell that they really don't. How do I know this? No one makes an effort and no one is actually sad about me going. Whatever. I've been alone in my apartment for the past 2 days.

I think I'm just going to flat out refuse to see anyone now and go on a "F-you Strike". No one calls me back. So, again, whatever.

Fuck people. I'm out of here in a few days. Good to know I kept true "friends" the past five years...

I must say I'm not terribly shocked. That may be the worst part-- not having any faith in the people you consider friends.

"I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, whats wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
That's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place."

Emo music + not taking my meds for three days = fun times.

Apartment's in LA will be the death of me...

I cannot handle the WAIT any longer!!!!!!!!

Uuuuuuugh. I should know by 4 today at the latest.

Christ.

Beauty in the Breakdown?

Psssssst... I can't remember what song that lyric is from....

I'm trying to get my life back on track. I realized how bad I've been to myself since I dated TTL. I've known this for a while and have attempted to make a change, but now I'm fully throwing myself into this big vat of fun called "Effort".

I've been taking my medication regularly. Now, to be fair, TTL always checked to make sure I was taking them, but I think that may be why I started being so careless with them. I don't like having someone mother me over something I'm already used to doing. My own mother does it. If anyone has a right to "mother me", it would be my mom. I'm a stubborn fool. I'll be the first to admit it.

I think it also has to do with the fact that everyday since I was diagnosed I have to take seven pills a day. Well, not seven right off the bat, but after a few months it got to that point.If I took full doses of Lamictal right out of the chute I'd probably be dead. Regardless, you would think that after almost four years of this daily routine that I would be so set in it, but nope, not the case at all. I'm sick of having to do it. I really hate taking pills to make me "normal". I don't see the difference, but apparently it's pretty obvious when I'm taking them and when I'm not.

The main difference I notice about being good about taking them is that
1.) I become the cheapest date ever and 2.) I sleep all day.

The sleeping all day thing will go away once by body re-adjusts, but the sucking at drinking thing will stay the same.

I guess it could be worse.

I'm working on other things too. I'm playing bass again. I'm starting to get back into my gym routine. I'm wearing some makeup again. I'm actually caring about doing my hair again (the weather change helps). I need to get ready to be somewhat professional when I get a job in LA. I can't roll into work fresh out of the shower with my hair wet and pulled up. Gross.

Discipline, Promo Homo. Discipline.

And if nothing else, I'm doing this for my own health. Mental heath, a given. Physical is what I'm worried about right now. I'm under extreme stress since I don't have a job lined up in LA yet and I am really hard on myself. My parents are worried I'm going to have a heart attack or have a brain aneurism. Them saying that in total honestly... scares the shit out of me. They get the worst of my freak outs since I don't like letting my friends into that part of my world fully.

SO... PILLS IT IS.

I don't take Lithium, which is what most Bipolar folks take, but I thought I'd post some lyrics about it. It strikes a chord. Especially the bolded parts:


"Lithium"-- Evanescence

Lithium- don't want to lock me up inside
lithium- don't want to forget how it feels without
lithium- I want to stay in love with my sorrow
oh but God I want to let it go

come to bed, don't make me sleep alone
couldn't hide the emptiness you let it show
never wanted it to be so cold
just didn't drink enough to say you love me

I can't hold on to me
wonder what's wrong with me

Lithium- don't want to lock me up inside
lithium- don't want to forget how it feels without
lithium- I want to stay in love with my sorrow

Don't want to let it lay me down this time
drown my will to fly
here in the darkness I know myself
can't break free until I let it go
let me go

Darling, I forgive you after all
anything is better than to be alone
and in the end I guess I had to fall
always find my place among the ashes

I can't hold on to me
wonder what's wrong with me

Lithium- don't want to lock me up inside
lithium- don't want to forget how it feels without
lithium- stay in love with you
oh I'm gonna let it go


I've slept all day. I'm exhausted. I just took my pills. I'll be out cold again in a few.

Ew, enough with the moody post. The next will be more fun I swear. Maybe another jab at something like NAMBLA. Ha...